Grace all around me - from 9/28/2014

Several years ago, I taught high school religion. Many times we would talk about grace and what that meant. By the book, it is a free gift from God which is not deserved.  Throughout these past weeks and months as my heart condition has escalated to the point it is at (with an LVAD placed to help my heart pump blood more effectively and essentially keep me alive) I have felt an enormous outpouring of  God's grace. 

A number of doctors I have encountered in my process of being evaluated for transplant have stressed that this is a genetic disorder and I didn't do anything to deserve what is happening to me. It's nice to know, but I really haven't approached this situation with a woe-is-me attitude (at least I have tried very hard not to.)  Because of my faith (which is far, far weaker than I would like it to be) I have been able to see God at work in my life, especially during trying times such as these. I won't say I have no fears or anxieties about my condition. There had definitely had times where I wondered if I would live to my 40's (I no longer have to worry about that one. I made it.) Still, it's easy to have these kind of anxieties, but in reality, I have trust in these doctors and a more confident than ever that this is going to turn out very well for me. I am also more and more confident that God has much more for me to accomplish during this life.

This is the grace I speak of. I can't count the times I have been moved to tears by a card a visit a phone call or a simple gesture of kindness. These have come from family, friends, friends-of-friends and strangers. Doctors, nurses, nurse's aides and the people who clean my room and many, many more have also shown me tremendous support and care.  It's easy to think that you are just another QR Code to these people, but I have never felt that way. In fact I see the opposite. I see people who cared for me at other times going out of their way to check up on me.  I Pass care givers in the hall whose eyes light when they see me making my way around the nurses station on a walk.  It has also come from total strangers. My favorite thing to hear is that I am being prayed for. I don't even know all of the different prayer lists I am currently on, but I am so thankful for every prayer that goes up for me. I can assure you, that is a grace in itself.

I am a very blessed man, I have immense support to help me through this. The speed at which this moved had left me focusing a lot on details and making sure things were in order, but I have had some time in the hospital to reflect on the movement of God in this situation and to know that Grace is abundant around me. The doctors said I did nothing to deserve this situation I find myself in. I see myself as undeserving of the kindness poured out all around me.

Thank you for your prayers. I truly believe they work and I am humbled to be prayed for at any time.